God, Protect Me From Your Followers...

Thinking of showing up for jury duty? Well good news! If you're in Colorado you don't have to worry about things like civic responsibility or sound judgment. Why? Because as a juror, you answer only to god. You see, according to the constitution, our rights are granted by god, not by man. So we can simply pray about a case and all will be well! Please save us from these people!

Next we have a former brigadier general who is running for president of Guatemala. Thankfully, he to has no intention of using logic or intelligence to help rule his country but will simply rely on god to sort everything out. Ok, seriously: Where do these people come from? Did I fall asleep and wake up in the dark ages? It's gonna be 2004 for cryin' out loud! Frankly, I think we should just start sacrificing virgins to the volcano god. That's sure to make the almighty look favorably on us!

And finally today, remember Matthew Shephard? For those who don't he was the gay man who was savagely beaten and murdered a few years back, mostly for being gay. Well his name is back in the news again as there are two competing factions who would like to put up memorials. But as we ALL should know by now, "God Hates Fags", and therefore only one memorial is appropriate. You see these folks want a memorial that reads

"Matthew Shepard entered Hell October 12, 1998, at age 21 in defiance of God's solemn warning: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is abomination.' Leviticus 18:22."

Touching isn't it? I say again: PROTECT US FROM THESE PEOPLE!!!

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